I know I'm a day late...I do apologize, but it was busy around here yesterday! I do thank you for joining me for another edition of "Michell's Weekly Pearl"! If this is your first time visiting, let me tell you a little about this series. This is where you can ask me anything on marriage, women's issues, family matters, relationships, parenting, homemaking, or life in general. If you want an honest, biblically based, to the point answer; email me your questions via firstname.lastname@example.org (please put "MWP" in the subject area). I'll post your question, along with my answer, anonymously. Easy as that! I'll also delete your email once I've transferred your question. To read all the questions and answers in this series, you can do so (HERE).
Keep sending those questions in!!! In the meantime, read on to see what "Feeling a Bit Neglected" asked...
Hey! I wanted to ask a question. As far as marriage and new parents goes, is it normal to kind of feel as if you’re a little distant from your spouse? Hubby and I don’t talk as much as we used to. We don’t have much time for each other and our focus is so much geared toward the kids. Kind of feels as if we’re neglecting each other might be a better way to explain it.
"Hi “Feeling a Bit Neglected”! Believe me when I say almost all new parents go through what you’re experiencing. The key is to find balance. I know, I know…easier said than done, right! :-) BUT, it can be done. The most important thing expectant parents should do is to make sure their relationship is solid, because when a child/children come into the picture…the dynamics change. Both spouses need to sit down and discuss (realistically) what changes may come. People have an unrealistic view that once kids come along, it’s all cute and cuddly like one of those "Huggies" commercials on t.v. When in reality, you’ve got crying and teething and getting up all hours of the night for feedings…the list goes, on and on. I think when parents discuss all the dynamics that come with raising children beforehand, it won’t come as a shock when those things do occur. To take it another step further, one characteristic a spouse AND a parent can’t/shouldn’t have is selfishness…why, because there are now other people added to the program who now must have your focus. The importance of having a strong marriage and having your game plan down before children come along is to ensure that when you do go through seasons like this, you’ll already be prepared for when the enemy throws fiery darts, i.e.(making you think your husband doesn’t love you, the children are a burden, so on and so on). You’ll already have in the back of your mind, how you’re going to counter attack, because it won’t come as a surprise to you! Also, setting priorities is very important as new parents. Make sure BOTH parents have the same set of priorities or you’ll have a disaster on your hands. Yes, becoming new parents can make you feel as if you and your spouse are neglecting one another. That is normal, because all your focus is going towards getting your babies to a certain stage. But, be aware, that is only a season and seasons are only temporary! I encourage new mothers to enjoy their babies, because those years pass by so fast, however, there must be a balance. Many parents, especially mothers, fall into the trap of solely focusing on their children, which is normal, because many mothers are the primary caregivers during the day. But remember, children grow up and the only ones that will be left are you and your spouse. Please refer to #2 on my post "Michell's Marriage Musings", HERE for more on that subject. There is no foolproof solution, but what I can tell you...is that if both you and your husband get the wisdom of God concerning your situation, work together and establish your game plan now, you can make it work! My mother would always tell me when I first had kids and it seemed like I couldn't do it another second....was, that there was someone who did it long before I did and there will be someone who'll do it long after I'm gone. In other words, they made it happen and survived and so could I! :-) But all, in all…if you have a great support system(family, friends, church family), ask for help and enjoy one another's company. It doesn’t always have to be going out. Sometimes a nice quiet evening alone together is all that’s needed to cure that feeling neglected bug! Hope this helps…have a wonderful weekend!" Proverbs 24:3-4(AMP)
Readers...tell us how you survived those earlier stages of raising your kids?
I’ve been married for over 24 years to my husband, a pastor. I’ve worked alongside him in ministry full-time for over 17 years. During that time, we've pioneered two ministries and I've established a women’s ministry(Women of Excellence). We have three adult children and a son-in-law. My areas of specialty are family, marriage and women’s issues. Hopefully the (Godly)wisdom I’ve learned through my years of experience will lead you to and keep you on the road to doing you well! As my husband always says...why spend your life going down a road you don't have to travel, when someone else has already learned the lesson and can show you how to avoid that path.
*Disclaimer*: I don't profess to be an expert, but what I have learned...I'm willing to share. With that being said...what I write on my blog is my opinion and advice. It is not my counsel. This also applies to anyone writing on this blog. If someone uses any advice, opinion or recommendation from this blog and is upset, angered, or harmed in any way, I am not to be held responsible or be held liable in any way. What I write on this blog is not to be taken as fact or absolute. My intention is to do no harm. The content in this blog is the opinion of this blogger and is not intended to disparage or malign anyone or anything that has the ability to be offended. I am not responsible, nor will I be held liable, for anything anyone says on this blog in the blog comments.
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